If you asked me about my relationship with my girlfriend, you might have got the impression that it was a spectacular relationship destined to last till death do we part. Truth is, it wasn't as amazing as that. The last time we had seen each other was over a year ago, and until a few days ago, it was the last time we spoke to each other. Over the weekend, we made plans to meet up downtown, but when I arrived, she was nowhere to be seen. Plus, earlier this year, she had visited my house when I wasn't there and announced that she had gotten pregnant and had an abortion in front of my parents and my sisters.
So when I tell you now that I've dumped her and I'm going to find someone else who's a bit more respectable, you can hardly blame me.
Monday, 5 May 2008
Tuesday, 22 April 2008
What started out as a return to an old hobby has become much more
I speak of Pokemon. I used to be really into it, then I got out of it for a while, partly because I didn't have a GBA. But I purchased Pokemon Diamond a few weeks ago and I'm back on the scene. I even downloaded Shoddy Battle, which allows me to battle other people on the Internet, and joined a well-known pokemon forum, marriland.com.
Tuesday, 1 April 2008
Damn, it nearly worked!
Today, me and my mate Spartacus told our other friend that we were in a computer room for Biology. This was, of course, an attempt to play an April Fools joke on him, and it would have worked if we had both gone with him to the computer room! Damn!
Wednesday, 5 March 2008
Surviving a zombie outbreak isn't too hard actually
DISCLAIMER: The following information has been retrieved from the Zombie Survival Quiz (http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/425802). Disagreements with the quiz will be highlighted.
Let's assume that you first notice a zombie outbreak when you're outside. Firstly, pray that you know where you can find some good weapons, be they guns, swords or whatever. My house is home to 10 swords, so I'll be fine. If you know where you can find weapons, use any means to get a gun (rifles are best) and one damaging tool such as an axe or crowbar. If not, forget about the weapons and just head straight home. In fact, this would be step 2 - home is the safest place for you to be during a zombie outbreak because you know your home like the back of your hand and very few people have access to your home. When going home or searching for weapons, the only modes of transport you should use are either a bicycle or a horse. If you can't ride or get hold of a bicycle or horse, resort to walking.
OK, by now, you should be at home, with or without weapons. It should be noted that kitchen knives would count as weapons, but should be used only when no other weapons are available, and only the ones with a smooth edge. If you were sensible, you would have kept the door locked before you reached home and locked it as soon as you came in. If your house has any back doors, lock these as well but also barricade them. Make sure there's only one unblocked door into your house and make sure someone is guarding that entrance, preferably someone who's good with firearms and can stay awake very easily, but it may have to be you otherwise.
If you are home alone, you won't survive for very long if you're stuck on guard duty - the instant you leave your post, your home is vulnerable to zombies, even if you did lock the door. A group of zombies trying to knock your door down is the equivalent of a rhinoceros, so you can't leave your post. However, starvation and tiredness will kick in and these could lead to your untimely death. What you need to do is attract other survivors, but only a few. Quite how you would do this is uncertain. One method is to open your door wide and attract attention to yourself, but doing so will attract more than survivors, so make sure your trigger finger doesn't have cramp. While on the subject of guns, if you manage to find a rifle, sub-machine gun or even a shotgun, you'll be fine. If, on the other hand, you've got hold of a pistol, curse your foolishness. If you don't have a gun, this strategy will not work.
As survivors enter, ask if they have been bitten by a zombie. If they have, shoot them in the head. In fact, if you see a zombie, shoot them in the head, period. Once you've got a few survivors in your home, check them thoroughly once more for zombie bites - they could have been lying when they told you they were OK. If, after this, you have a small group of survivors, close and lock your front door and barricade it.
If you were unable to attract enough survivors by any means and are still home alone, all you can do is close, lock and barricade all entrances to your house and stay in the kitchen, armed with a couple of smooth-edged knives, survive on what food you have and try to slaughter any zombies that make it into your house. If you do see a zombie in your house, it means that a group of them have managed to pass your barricaded door, in which case you're screwed.
If, on the other hand, you attracted sufficient survivors to defend your home while allowing some to step down from defending, you'll have to consider your next obstacle: starvation. Like in World War II, rationing is essential - eat a little bit when you're hungry.
This will theoretically prevent you from dying in a zombie outbreak, but there's no telling how long it could go on for, so you will have to find ways of entertaining yourselves, but without electricity - electronic entertainment facilities (television, radio, computer, etc.) emit light and/or sound, which will attract more zombies.
Also, eventually, you will become bored and your trigger finger will be itching really bad, so you will decide to leave the safety of your home. Alternatively, you will need to get some more food (tinned is best, by the way), so here's what you will need to do to survive outside and make sure inside is still a sanctuary.
Firstly, tell everyone else in the house to arm themselves with the best weapons they can get (barring your own, which really has to be a gun) and that nobody else is to enter the building. It's worth telling them a password to remember, but make sure you remember it too.
Secondly, check the conditions outside, especially visibility. If it's night-time, foggy, misty, a thunderstorm or even heavy rain, it's probably a bad idea to walk out. While humans are primarily vision-oriented, zombies rely on all five senses equally.
If it's sunny or simply cloudy and daytime, travel on foot at walking speed to your destination, trying as hard as possible to keep your back to the walls. If you see a zombie and it sees you, shoot it while it's far away. You might be more likely to miss, but you'll have more chances in case you do. When the zombie's right by you, you have one shot to save your life with. If you see the zombie but it doesn't notice you, prepare to shoot just in case it does notice you.
Eventually, you will return home. As soon as you enter, check the house for zombies and infected survivors. Hopefully, there will be none of either, but it's always worth checking. If a room's door is closed, knock on the door. This will alert zombies and anyone hiding in there, so you will be prepared.
With this knowledge, you should be well-prepared for a zombie outbreak. Just in case you're wondering, here are some things you absolutely should NOT do:
DO NOT be a hero - your efforts might be appreciated, but you're putting yourself at a disadvantage.
DO NOT wear loose clothing or have long hair - these can be grabbed quite easily by zombies.
DO NOT try to un-zombify your loved ones - there is no cure for a zombie bite and no way of turning a zombie back to a living human being.
DO NOT take pity on a zombified loved one - they are not the person you love any more. They are a dead body being used by a virus.
DO NOT use fire or fists against zombies - zombies don't feel or even acknowledge pain.
DO NOT try to defeat a zombie in any way other than severing the head or destroying the brain - other ways of "defeating" a zombie do nothing to them and could put you in a worse situation.
DO NOT engage in close combat with a zombie unless you have an axe or sword - you're at risk of being bitten.
DO NOT use wooden weapons - these are not very durable.
DO NOT use heavy weapons - these are hard to handle.
DO NOT use short-ranged weapons - see point about close combat.
DO NOT expect your pet to be any help. Dogs are the worst pets in a zombie outbreak. Unlike humans, they will not hide their fear and the best they'll do is continuously bark, thus attracting the attention of zombies. At worst, they'll bite a zombie and, in a blind panic, bite you as well. This is the same as being infected by a zombie.
This should cover everything you need to know about surviving a zombie outbreak. One last thing: if you happen to live in a small town or village, you're lucky - fewer people means fewer zombies, so the outbreak will be dealt with sooner, hopefully before you have to make a journey out of sanctuary.
Let's assume that you first notice a zombie outbreak when you're outside. Firstly, pray that you know where you can find some good weapons, be they guns, swords or whatever. My house is home to 10 swords, so I'll be fine. If you know where you can find weapons, use any means to get a gun (rifles are best) and one damaging tool such as an axe or crowbar. If not, forget about the weapons and just head straight home. In fact, this would be step 2 - home is the safest place for you to be during a zombie outbreak because you know your home like the back of your hand and very few people have access to your home. When going home or searching for weapons, the only modes of transport you should use are either a bicycle or a horse. If you can't ride or get hold of a bicycle or horse, resort to walking.
OK, by now, you should be at home, with or without weapons. It should be noted that kitchen knives would count as weapons, but should be used only when no other weapons are available, and only the ones with a smooth edge. If you were sensible, you would have kept the door locked before you reached home and locked it as soon as you came in. If your house has any back doors, lock these as well but also barricade them. Make sure there's only one unblocked door into your house and make sure someone is guarding that entrance, preferably someone who's good with firearms and can stay awake very easily, but it may have to be you otherwise.
If you are home alone, you won't survive for very long if you're stuck on guard duty - the instant you leave your post, your home is vulnerable to zombies, even if you did lock the door. A group of zombies trying to knock your door down is the equivalent of a rhinoceros, so you can't leave your post. However, starvation and tiredness will kick in and these could lead to your untimely death. What you need to do is attract other survivors, but only a few. Quite how you would do this is uncertain. One method is to open your door wide and attract attention to yourself, but doing so will attract more than survivors, so make sure your trigger finger doesn't have cramp. While on the subject of guns, if you manage to find a rifle, sub-machine gun or even a shotgun, you'll be fine. If, on the other hand, you've got hold of a pistol, curse your foolishness. If you don't have a gun, this strategy will not work.
As survivors enter, ask if they have been bitten by a zombie. If they have, shoot them in the head. In fact, if you see a zombie, shoot them in the head, period. Once you've got a few survivors in your home, check them thoroughly once more for zombie bites - they could have been lying when they told you they were OK. If, after this, you have a small group of survivors, close and lock your front door and barricade it.
If you were unable to attract enough survivors by any means and are still home alone, all you can do is close, lock and barricade all entrances to your house and stay in the kitchen, armed with a couple of smooth-edged knives, survive on what food you have and try to slaughter any zombies that make it into your house. If you do see a zombie in your house, it means that a group of them have managed to pass your barricaded door, in which case you're screwed.
If, on the other hand, you attracted sufficient survivors to defend your home while allowing some to step down from defending, you'll have to consider your next obstacle: starvation. Like in World War II, rationing is essential - eat a little bit when you're hungry.
This will theoretically prevent you from dying in a zombie outbreak, but there's no telling how long it could go on for, so you will have to find ways of entertaining yourselves, but without electricity - electronic entertainment facilities (television, radio, computer, etc.) emit light and/or sound, which will attract more zombies.
Also, eventually, you will become bored and your trigger finger will be itching really bad, so you will decide to leave the safety of your home. Alternatively, you will need to get some more food (tinned is best, by the way), so here's what you will need to do to survive outside and make sure inside is still a sanctuary.
Firstly, tell everyone else in the house to arm themselves with the best weapons they can get (barring your own, which really has to be a gun) and that nobody else is to enter the building. It's worth telling them a password to remember, but make sure you remember it too.
Secondly, check the conditions outside, especially visibility. If it's night-time, foggy, misty, a thunderstorm or even heavy rain, it's probably a bad idea to walk out. While humans are primarily vision-oriented, zombies rely on all five senses equally.
If it's sunny or simply cloudy and daytime, travel on foot at walking speed to your destination, trying as hard as possible to keep your back to the walls. If you see a zombie and it sees you, shoot it while it's far away. You might be more likely to miss, but you'll have more chances in case you do. When the zombie's right by you, you have one shot to save your life with. If you see the zombie but it doesn't notice you, prepare to shoot just in case it does notice you.
Eventually, you will return home. As soon as you enter, check the house for zombies and infected survivors. Hopefully, there will be none of either, but it's always worth checking. If a room's door is closed, knock on the door. This will alert zombies and anyone hiding in there, so you will be prepared.
With this knowledge, you should be well-prepared for a zombie outbreak. Just in case you're wondering, here are some things you absolutely should NOT do:
DO NOT be a hero - your efforts might be appreciated, but you're putting yourself at a disadvantage.
DO NOT wear loose clothing or have long hair - these can be grabbed quite easily by zombies.
DO NOT try to un-zombify your loved ones - there is no cure for a zombie bite and no way of turning a zombie back to a living human being.
DO NOT take pity on a zombified loved one - they are not the person you love any more. They are a dead body being used by a virus.
DO NOT use fire or fists against zombies - zombies don't feel or even acknowledge pain.
DO NOT try to defeat a zombie in any way other than severing the head or destroying the brain - other ways of "defeating" a zombie do nothing to them and could put you in a worse situation.
DO NOT engage in close combat with a zombie unless you have an axe or sword - you're at risk of being bitten.
DO NOT use wooden weapons - these are not very durable.
DO NOT use heavy weapons - these are hard to handle.
DO NOT use short-ranged weapons - see point about close combat.
DO NOT expect your pet to be any help. Dogs are the worst pets in a zombie outbreak. Unlike humans, they will not hide their fear and the best they'll do is continuously bark, thus attracting the attention of zombies. At worst, they'll bite a zombie and, in a blind panic, bite you as well. This is the same as being infected by a zombie.
This should cover everything you need to know about surviving a zombie outbreak. One last thing: if you happen to live in a small town or village, you're lucky - fewer people means fewer zombies, so the outbreak will be dealt with sooner, hopefully before you have to make a journey out of sanctuary.
Friday, 29 February 2008
Biology practice papers for the LOLs!
Today, we had to do a biology practise paper. Because it didn't count towards anything for the GCSE, me and Spartacus decided to write some insanely random answers down. Here are some of mine:
Name one pollutant that is harmful to lichens. Cheeseburgers!
Suggest why this area has fewer lichens. Terrorism!
Why did he use 20 seedlings instead of one? Seedlings like to get together, if you know what I mean.
At what temperature did the seedlings grow best? Lion!
Describe the stages of protein synthesis. When a man and a woman love each other very much, they decide that (out of time).
No, I didn't run out of time. I just put that in there.
Name one pollutant that is harmful to lichens. Cheeseburgers!
Suggest why this area has fewer lichens. Terrorism!
Why did he use 20 seedlings instead of one? Seedlings like to get together, if you know what I mean.
At what temperature did the seedlings grow best? Lion!
Describe the stages of protein synthesis. When a man and a woman love each other very much, they decide that (out of time).
No, I didn't run out of time. I just put that in there.
Thursday, 14 February 2008
I lied - this isn't my English homework
Instead, I'm going to tell you now that I am f***ing awesome at basketball! Not only did I play well defensively, putting off the other players, but I managed to score a basket in the last game of the PE lesson.
Tuesday, 5 February 2008
The next post in this blog will be my English homework
As absurd as that sounds, it's true. This is because my English homework is a monologue that is currently halfway through and more than 2 pages of A4 paper long. And no, the font isn't supersized.
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